The Ladies Have Lost a Total of: 103.4 pounds!

The weigh in stuff:
Weight change since last week: +.2 lbs
Total weight change to date: -17.8 lbs

I’m sad to say that this is probably my last post here.  It’s a wee bit lonely, and I can’t keep it up by myself. I really enjoyed it while it lasted though – thanks ladies!

The weigh in stuff:
Weight change since last week: -1.6 lbs
Total weight change to date: -18 lbs

So look! I’m down 1.6!!! Cuz I realized I needed to get my big, fat butt back onto Weight Watchers. Since it was less than 6 months, I could re-join without the sign-up fee and they still had all of my recipes and favorites and things (thank goodness!) Strange thing happened though…when I entered my weight in – it calculated that I have 2 points less a day! Gah! Hm. Perhaps that’s why I had hit a plateau before. . .  was I supposed to reevaluate so they’d slowly remove points? Note to self: next time you hit a plateau, check that…

There’s good news/bad news as well. The good news is that I didn’t go over my weekly points – yeah! The bad news is that I started 3 days into the week…so I ate through three extra days worth of weekly points. Gonna have to curb those carb cravings.

Weight – 1.4 pounds – Woohoo!

I have the best hubby in the world! He is not a morning person at all, but he has agreed to take care of our very lively 2 1/2 year olds  a few mornings a week so I can go and exercise. Of course there is a payoff for him – I come home on an endorphin high and feeling good about myself in general. It’s true what they say about how Mama being happy is good for the whole family. It’s amazing how good it feels to start the day out having worked out. The hard part is always getting my butt out of bed, but once I do that I get to feel powerful and proud, plus I’m losing weight.

Making all of this even better is the fact that I’ve found an amazing gym. The staff are great – physical therapist spent 2+ hours with me my first time to fully assess where I’m at and help me figure out where I need to go to get where I want to be safely. There’s always someone around to help if you need help. People are friendly and normal. Plus, it’s only 2 minutes from my house. It’s an awesome place.

The food is still a challenge. I have gotten back to writing everything down, but that hasn’t stopped me from eating junk. I am contemplating joining WW on-line and ooh, I don’t know, maybe planning ahead? I don’t want to do anything too rash though )

My goals for this week are to get to the gym at least 3 times and to be in bed (lights out!) by 10:30.

You know. Rudolph’s girlfriend? Clarice? Singing “There’s Always Tomorrow” ..? With a mentality like that…I’ll never get back to things. (Trust me, that’s been my thinking for a few weeks now. “I can have this donut, there’s always tomorrow to get back on track.”)

TODAY. I need to start thinking that there’s always today.

The weigh in stuff:
Weight change since last week: +1.6 lbs
Total weight change to date: -16.4 lbs

Is it just me, or does there seem to be a HUGE difference when you see 18 pounds vs. 16.4 pounds lost? How discouraging! (or perhaps, motivating…ya – let’s try to see that as motivating…)

Last week Krissy was asking about my exercise stuff. I’ve been trying to get out walking with the kids more. We hike up to the train station to meet Daddy when he gets in. We take a walk around the block to check out all the pretty flowers. Stuff like that. It hasn’t been daily – but I’m embarrassed to admit that even that is more than we were doing…so it’s something.

And obviously I haven’t been keeping track of points. I’m still not ready to re-join Weight Watchers yet, but I see it looming on my horizon. I just need to know that I’ll actually use it rather than just throw the money at the computer screen and then laugh hysterically at it…

Glad to see some of you posting again I’ve missed you!!

Send help! The ship is sinking!

For those of you not fluent in Morse Code, that’s SOS up there.

I’m back after another not-as-long hiatus. You know, I did pretty well that first week or two after my last post. I was exercising pretty regularly and counting calories. I’d lost about 4 pounds and was pretty happy with my progress! But, you know, things happened. Took a few weekend trips and my eating went out the window. Work got busy (and the weather turned hot and/or rainy) and the exercising stopped. Next thing I knew, three weeks had gone by and the wagon was in another state. So, here I am again. I guess the good news is that I’m still down overall, by a couple of pounds anyway, so all is not lost. I’m also taking it as a good sign that my hiatuses (hiati?) are fewer and farther between. Instead of months, it’s weeks. That’s got to be a good sign, right? The thing is, I THINK about exercising all the time. I WANT to exercise, but I either can’t do it at work for whatever reason or when I get home the kid won’t let me put her down long enough to actually do anything!

I guess I’m asking for help here. I either need a challenge or someone to check up on me every week — some sort of Exercise Police. If I don’t have a reason TO exercise, I’ll find every reason NOT TO.

Anyone up for a challenge or would like to be my workout monitor?

First, please allow me to apologize for lurking and not posting…there is just little going on to report. Mea culpa!

Total weight lost – 24 lbs

My weight has been up and down for the past 9 weeks. I am constantly gaining and losing an average of two pounds–and it’s worrisome. Weight Watchers started giving me dire messages warning me of plateaus and how to combat them. So after a few weeks, I heeded the advice, I added more exercise, changed the spread of my points, and added more fiber and protein, and when I didn’t see any change on the scale, (it was still up/down, up/down) I gave up–kind of.  I didn’t go hog wild, but I stopped keeping points for days on end, ate chocolate covered almonds for a few meals,*ahem* the whole bag, each time, and wallowed in self pity. I don’t want to stay at this weight. I look fine, but my BMI is still too high. I have more weight to lose and doing an average of .2 lbs a week is not going to get me to my goal. Well, last week, I had enough, stopped my pity party, and rededicated myself. Kept points, exercised when I could fit it in, and filled up on fiber…bowls and bowls of vegetables. It worked. I lost 3.5 pounds this week and made it to a weight I thought I would have easily made in early April. For the first time in months, I was happy with the number I saw on the scale

I like instant gratification. I love to mow the lawn, iron, fold clothes, etc., because I like to go from messy, to beautiful and organized. I get really pissed off when I eat right and exercise and see zero results time and time again. So, I give up instead of stretching myself to see what I am capable of. I know obstacles are in my way so I can figure out how badly I really want to achieve “x” goal, but I have a long and storied pattern of  being a quitter. I was known as the ‘quitter’ when it came to Monopoly (that game is seriously too damn long) among other things in my family as a child and that attitude has continued though today. The one thing I am really proud of now, is that I have kept plugging along this time. I have wavered and fallen off at times, but I have tried really hard to dust myself off and get over whatever hurdle lay in front of me. Maybe, just maybe, I might be changing from a quitter to a plugger, and I kinda like that.

I missed posting on Monday, not because my weigh in was horrid (though it was) but because I was too busy out taking advantage of my newly restored mobility woohoo! I post now just to say that my little funk crisis of last week seems to be over and I’m getting back on track.

My weigh in news as mentioned is horrid. I was up 2.4 pounds. Ugh. But I’m already heading back down.

A couple of things happened to make me remember why it’s important that I keep chipping away at my weight and food issues.

First, we went out to dinner. I was busily eating my monster burger and onion rings, cause yeah, my little crisis of faith brought on a couple of lovely binges. That burger was a brick in my tummy for days reminding me how gross it feels to overeat. But I digress, the real point of this story is to mention that I was incredibly moved by the little boy at the table next to us. I would guess that he was maybe 4 years old. He was friendly and outgoing and charming. He also weighed at least 60-65 pounds. I left there feeling so incredibly sad that this sweet little boy was already so unhealthy and was headed for the inevitable teasing and hard times I know from experience he’ll face. I cried the whole way home and realized again that I simply have got to get a handle on this weight thing for myself so I don’t pass this on to my kids.

This was strongly reinforced when I watched the Biggest Loser Finale later that night. Many of the “couples” on this season were parent/child teams. I cannot imagine what it must be like to end up on that show with your kid. Ugh. It would slay me.  Just for yuks I was surfing around the NBC site the next day reading about the show. I no longer qualify to be a contestant because you need to have at least 100 pounds to lose and I don’t anymore. Woohoo!

Some other positives this week:

I was at the doctor for something unrelated and noticed a BMI chart on the wall. Looking at it I saw it had three categories of obese listed. I am now in category 2, almost to category 1. While I realize it’s not great to be in any category of obesity, it was nice to realize I’m no longer in the worst one. Actually, my doctor said she thinks losing another 50 pounds would be the ideal for me…not the 60-70 pounds I was thinking.  Sweet.

I have found a great gym in my hometown that is owned and operated by physical therapists. They do a comprehensive work up of you when you join and help you to figure out an indiviual exercise plan intend to work on having you be fit, flexible and addressing any specific issues you have (for instance my foot, knee and back) so that you get a good yet safe workout. They have equipment I could start to use now rather than having to wait another month until my foot’s completely up to par. The best part? My PT can give me a referral and I can get the first month free! I’m hoping to get that referral and sign up tomorrow. Now I just have to work out a way to get my butt there!

I’ll end this by saying that I really hope some of you who are out there lurking will start posting again. I miss hearing your stories and triumphs as well as your challenges.

The weigh in stuff:
Weight change since last week: +.8 lbs
Total weight change to date: -18. lbs

I feel like I’m on a weekly trampoline … one week I’m up in the air, the next I’m down…I know I need to get off the trampoline, but geez – it’s too much fun! (Well, the junk food is fun while I’m eating it…)

I’m actually surprised and impressed that it’s only up .8 – I really thought I’d be up lots more. (Hello, donuts….)

How’s everyone else doing? Any suggestions to help me off the trampoline?

 

Mother’s Day is bittersweet for me. After years of hating the day because it pointed out to me that I was not a mother (yet), it has become a day that holds both the joy of having my precious babes and the deep sorrow of missing my mother more than I can express with mere words. I had a wonderful day yesterday. My family acknowledged me and loved me and I realized yet again how blessed I am. We went to church and heard a great sermon about God and love and being love in action and it got me thinking about where I put my focus in life and what really matters.

Certainly a great deal of my focus lately has been about my weight and overall health. But I’ve been focusing on what’s wrong with me and what I don’t like about myself. So today I’ve been thinking about what it was like when I was at my healthiest. I wasn’t at my lightest weight ever, but I was active, outdoors a lot and eating fairly well without stressing about it. I was also feeling confident and content. This is what I want to teach my daughter. This is what I want to get back to for me.

I’ve also been trying to remember when I veered away from that healthy path. What happened? Sure there were many stressors – grad school and working full time in a really demanding job. Infertility. Financial stress. Losing my mom. Life in a blender having twins. But what happened to that young woman? Where did she go, that girl who lived life fully, with gratitude in her heart, sure of herself, not caring what others thought of her? How did I become this woman who is focused on the broken parts and looking good and doing things right? When did I stop being healthy and start worrying about it? Most importantly, how do I get to that place of living without worry again?

One thing I know, when I was at my healthiest, I was not weighing myself  everyday – I didn’t even own a scale! And I wasn’t weighing my food or counting points/calories or restricting myself. I was just being. So I’m trying to figure out how to be healthy without focusing on it in an obsessive way.

Is weighing myself and keeping track of what I eat really working, or is it keeping me focused on the part of myself I don’t like? Where is the balance between consciousness and just living life? What are my real priorities?

I weighed in this morning and weighed the exact same thing I weighed last week at this time. I guess it’s “good” that  I didn’t gain, and yet I’m disappointed and frustrated with myself for not losing. And I can’t help but wonder, “man, if I hadn’t weighed in today would I be feeling better about myself?” I’ve lost 60 pounds since my kids were born, but I’m not even half way to my “ideal weight”…not that I would even imagine my “ideal” weight as an attainable goal. I live my life in the fantasy of “when I’m thin I’ll….”, but I’m sick of waiting to feel good about myself for something that may never happen. How do I find the balance now?

I don’t have a lot of answers. Just trying to find my way today.

The weigh in stuff:
Weight change since last week: -2.8 lbs
Total weight change to date: -18.8 lbs

I’m thinking that the last weigh in was probably lots of water weight…cuz that came off way too easily!

My immediate goal is to try to finally break through that 20 pound mark.  I suppose that means I should stop eating those donuts

Not much to say today…I was on vacation all this week, so keeping myself out of the kitchen was a bit harder than normal. But thanks to Beth – and knowing that she’d be reading my daily food journal – helped a lot (Thanks Beth!!)